Such A Foolish Girl
by thebutterfliesarewilting
Summary: "'Because nothing makes me happier, and nothing makes me sadder, than you.' And she flutters away like a dream."


**A/N, Heya! It's me again!. **

**So, this isn't really important, but this story is like my baby. Seriously, I finished it, and I was like, "What now?"**

**Yeah. Also!, There is a line in here from The History of Love, by Nicole Krauss. If you can guess what it is, you get a virtual cookie, so, um, yeah. **

**It's also slightly AUish towards the end.**

**Special shout out to Aly208. **

/

She'd always heard stories about him, about The Boy Who Lived.

What witch or wizard hadn't? _He must be very magical,_ she remembers thinking, li_ke the Crumple – Horned Snorkack, but ten times more powerful,_ she concludes with the nod of her head.

"Daddy, how long ago did this happen?" she asks, believing that since it's so well known, it must have been forever ago, maybe even ten years ago! Ten years is a very long time.

"Not too long ago, not too long ago at all, Love. The boy, Harry Potter, is only a year older than you," answers her father distractedly, before turning to back to the bunches of mistletoe he had placed by the garden.

Luna's eyes widened. A year ago! Well that wasn't long ago at all! "Daddy, when I turn eleven, will I go to sch- "she starts to inquire if she'll go to school with him, but is interrupted by her father.

"Shhh, Luna, dear. The Nargles are here. I just know it."

Luna stops talking and waits for the Nargles. She doesn't ask about Harry Potter again, and soon, she forgets it even happened.

/

Luna, now nine years old, sits on top the hill upon which her mother lies. "Mum, why'd you have to go? Huh, why'd you have to leave me here? Couldn't you have just taken me with you?" asks the girl, her eyes blurry with tears.

She doesn't wait for an answer, though. She's dreamy, not foolish. She lays back, her blonde hair cascading around her, and just cries and cries, until her eyes burn and she jolts with hiccups.

Her father doesn't come looking for her, and she doesn't know if it's a relief or if she should be worried. She hopes the former, and decides not to move.

She finds her thinking about all her times with her mother, all the times that were perfect, times that could have been better, simply just everything she can think of. The strangest thought comes to her mind eventually, and it hardly has anything to do with her mum.

She thinks of Harry Potter, and how his parents died, both of them. And he doesn't have anything, now, does he? But she still has her father, and this thought alone – "If Harry Potter can live without any parents, I can live with one." – helps her hold her head up high, and keep moving forward.

/

She holds the letter to her chest, almost as if it's her best friend, who's returned after a long departure (she doesn't have friends, right now, but she assumes that's what it would be like. And, she'll make friends at Hogwarts. She's sure of it.)

She, again, starts to think of Harry Potter. Maybe she'll see him, meet him, talk to him. Maybe, maybe she'll even befriend him! _Oh, how silly_, she tells herself with a dismissive shake of her head, _a hero like him will never have time for a silly girl such as myself._

/

He, the boy she thinks about so much and knows so very little of, has just saved her only friend. _He's so brave_, she thinks idly while drawing Wrackspurts . She wonders if she'd ever be that brave, ever be willing to risk everything for someone else. She shakes her head – messing up her best sketch yet – and says quietly, in a whisper to herself, "No, I'll never be anything like Harry Potter."

/

She still hasn't met him in her second year. She hears about him, though, she always hears about him. Him with his friends, oh lucky him, off on adventures she can hardly imagine.

/

She hears about him constantly, now, in her third year. She isn't as surprised as everyone else when his name came from the Goblet. _He's a hero, our savior. Of course he would complete in such a dangerous event_, she thinks. She doesn't tell anyone this, though, because she hasn't got any friends who'd listen.

Even though she wasn't as surprised as she should have been, when Harry Potter was on that dragon, she can't help but hold her breath and squeeze her eyes shut, because she simply can't bear to see anything terrible happen to him in something as foolish as a tournament.

And again, when he was going to save his friend – Ron, she thinks his name is – she goes through an odd moment of panic when he doesn't come back up after everyone else. Her hearts quickened, at a pace she hasn't felt in years.

He comes up, however, not with one person, with two, and Luna cheers as loud as she can.

The maze ends differently. Cedric's come back with him, dead.

Something drops in Luna's stomach, for now she and Harry Potter have something in common. She wishes they still didn't, if it had to end up like this.

/

Her fourth year is almost as terrible, as it is wonderful.

She finally, finally, finally meets Harry Potter. He sees the Thestrals, just like her. No one ever believes her, but now, now, she has Harry Potter who believes her, who sees what she sees.

But he thinks she's crazy; she knows it, knows it to her bones.

He doesn't call her Loony, though. Not to her face, at least. _It's a nice change of scenery_, she muses.

She makes a mistake. She ruins her first impression with Harry Potter. Her mistake is, "You're just as sane as I am." He gets a scared look on his face, and she suddenly wants to bawl. She's waited her whole life for this moment, and she ruined it. He probably thinks she is insulting his sanity.

/

Later that year, she joins Dumbledore's Army.

Not just because she hates Umbridge – such an evil woman – but because she'll spend time with Harry Potter. He'll teach her things, wonderful things.

And he does.

So she goes with him – to the Department of Mysteries – without questions. She's not all that scared, not really. She knows she _should _be. But she has all her friends to help her if she needs it. She has Harry Potter.

/

She feels terrible about what happened with his godfather. She thinks she understands better than most, too. Because Sirius was all he had left of his parents, the only thing he could cling to – like a teddy bear in the dark of the night.

She's putting up signs for her lost items when he bumps into her. They chatter, mostly about meaningless things – like her belongings – but then she says what she's wanted to since the beginning of their conversation. "Oh, come on. You heard them, just behind the veil, didn't you?"

He stares at her for a moment, utter disbelief stamped on his face. And then, the most wondrous thing happens. He smiles, small and feeble, but nevertheless a smile.

She slips away with the excuse of pudding, but she can't ignore the flutter in her belly.

/

Her fifth year isn't much fun.

She hardly sees Harry Potter, which makes it all the more saddening. She bumps into him occasionally, and sometimes sparks up idle gossip.

An empty void always pops up when he walks away, busy with something else. She doesn't quite understand it, but she's certain that it disappears when he stands by her.

She likes it, even when she gets the distinct impression that she shouldn't.

/

He asks her to Slughorn's party, and she's positive she'll faint.

She doesn't remember what she says (something embarrassing, she's sure), but she remembers this: _"Potty loves Loony, Potty loves Loony." _Oh Merlin, she hopes so.

/

When she hears about Harry Potter snogging with Ginny (her best friend!), she's glad for the first time in ages that she wasn't anywhere near him, because she surly would have wept at the sight of them.

That's why, when she gets the message on the fake Galleons from last year, she doesn't get up right away.

Because how dare he? How dare he go about all year without paying any attention to her and snog with her best friend and then ask for her help like nothing happened? Who does he think he is?

/

She goes, though, and she's glad she went. It's war – bloody and loud and chaotic. She ducks spells and hexes and jinxes and returns her own and helps others. She does her best not to mess up; it's not like she gets a do over.

She doesn't remember much of the battle besides that. Then everyone is quiet and the crowd is hushed with whispers. She's staring at Dumbledore – dead. That's not how it's supposed to happen. Dumbledore is invincible, isn't he? He can't die, because he's the only thing that keeps away Voldemort.

But he did die, and Luna's the most frightened she's been in a long time.

/

Her sixth year is in many ways both her best and worst year.

Harry Potter isn't here; off on those adventures she stopped trying to imagine. It considerably darkens her mood.

There is also the fact that the teachers are terrible, vile people – excluding only a select few.

/

Then there's the not so great part with the kidnapping. She sees Draco Malfoy there. He avoids her like she's a disease.

"Why?" she asks as he's walking away, her voice brimming with curiosity.

He stops violently in his tracks. He turns on his heel to face her. With a sneer he asks, _"What?"_

She ponders that a minute, before restating. "Why," she starts with a lick of her lips and continues, "do you not want to see me, torture me? I'm a blood traitor, aren't I?" She hates that her voice shakes when she asks.

He stares at her for what seems like an eternity. Then, hardly above a whisper, he states, "That's hardly any of your concern."

He stands a little straighter and turns back to leave once more, but she interrupts his departure yet again.

"But it really is, isn't it?"

His pace hardly decreases, but for a second she thinks he stalls. "No." he says, and his voice cracks.

She's pushing her luck and she knows it, but she trudges on. "Have you ever been in love, Malfoy?" she inquires, her voice light and airy. She herself isn't sure why she asked. The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could think. They do that a lot, it seems.

She doesn't expect an answer; a rude retort, a punishment from the flick of his wand. Not an answer. So when he turns around and answers, "No," quite sadly, she struggles to keep her face emotionless. "Have you?"

She doesn't comment for a moment. She doodles lazily in the dirt, instead. Finally, she says, "Yes, I have."

It seems like a long time before he replies. "It's _Potter_, isn't it." It's not a question, but not exactly a statement, either. He doesn't give her time to retort, instead leaving. Right before he goes, he says to her, his voice cold as ice, "Such a foolish girl." The door slams shut behind him.

She doesn't see him again.

/

She doesn't know how long she's been at the Manor when Harry Potter comes to save her. She doesn't remember most of it though. He saves her, then Dobby is dead and they're away on _another_ adventure.

Then it's the war, which she doesn't like to think about. She f_ightsfightsfights, _and people are dying and then it's over. Harry Potter beat Voldemort.

Harry Potter beating Voldemort evens out all of the bad things that happened that year.

/

They have to wait a year before the seventh years can graduate. They're rebuilding and all.

The graduation is nice. The weather is peaceful and calm. Perfect.

She sees him, Harry Potter, after the graduation. She's lying back on the grass. Her eyes are closed and she's just breathing. At first all she smells is grass, fresh air, and the lake. Then there's nothing but the indescribable fragrance of Harry Potter. Without opening her eyes, her voice floats through the air, "Hello, Harry Potter."

He's already lying down next to her when he says, "Hello, Luna. Lovely day today, isn't it?"

"Yes, quite. Perfect weather for Threadles to come out."

"Threadles?" he asks, his voice more filled with amusement than actual curiosity.

"Mhm," she hums, but does not explain further. He doesn't ask her to. She wishes he would.

They stay the way for a very long time, until the sky darkens and the air chills. "What's the happiest and saddest you have ever been?" she asks, randomly, as soon as it pops into her mind.

He thinks for merely a moment, before answering. "My happiest moment is when I got my letter from Hogwarts. My saddest moment was last year, during the Battle of Hogwarts, when we were rounding up our dead. How about you? What's the happiest and saddest you've ever been?"

She sighs. She rolls her head to look over at him. His eyes are closed. "Right now."

His face scrunches up, but his eyes stay closed. "For your happiest or saddest moment?"

"Both."

"Why?"

She scoots closer, and leans her head down. She whispers against his ear, "Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder, than you." And she flutters away, like a dream.

/

She doesn't see Harry Potter again until her own graduation. When she first sees him, she thinks he showed up just for her.

He showed up for Ginny, though, of course.

Malfoy was right.

She is such a foolish girl.

/

She hasn't seen The Golden Trio or any of the Weasley clan for many years.

Ginny writes her letters, long, long letters that tell her of the recent news. When the first letter came, she wrote back, saying that she might not be able to reply often, what with traveling.

She hasn't written a single letter to Ginny since then.

She didn't travel either.

She's a terrible friend.

/

Ginny stops by her house one day. She just shows up and knocks on the door, like nothing happened, nothing at all. Then Luna remembers that Ginny doesn't know that she and Harry Potter almost ripped her heart to shreds.

"Oh, Luna! It's so wonderful to see you after all this time. I'm glad you're here, what with all your traveling. You'll have to tell me about it sometime. Did you get any of my letters?" She's talking a mile a minute, but it hardly takes any effort from Luna to decipher it. "Oh, Luna, I have fantastic news! Look!" She holds out her left hand, and on her second to last finger is a beautiful ring. So elegant in all its simplicity.

She wonders how many times you can mend a shattered heart before it no longer stays together.

She sucks in a breath, realizing she's been holding hers. "Oh, that's simply _wonderful_! You must tell me everything." That's what friends say to news like this, right?

Maybe she can pretend it happened to her, instead.

/

The wedding could be beautiful, if she wasn't so green with envy.

She's a bridesmaid (lucky her), and she has to keep reminding herself that she is Ginny's best friend. She is _happy _for her. Oh, so happy.

Yes, she must remember, she never fell for Harry Potter. She didn't trip down a rabbit's hole, like that Alice girl from the muggle books. She's not in Wonderland, lost and crying for help.

She's never been good at lying.

/

When did she become so _cynical_?

/

Hermione stops by her house. Luna is crying when she first hears the knock. She quickly tries to freshen up a bit, and goes to answer the door.

Hermione is smiling brightly when she first opens the door. It fades quickly.

"I'm sorry, Luna, is this a bad time?" She says, and she looks rather sad that at the thought that she couldn't talk.

"No, no, not at all. Just a bad case of allergies. Come in, come in," she says quickly with a shake of her head and a flick of her wrist.

They talk for a while, catch up a bit, and it's nice, to have no problems for an hour or two.

"Well, the reason I came is I wanted to ask if I could stay here, just for a couple of days. I – I know it's terribly rude to ask, but Ron," she stumbles a bit on her words, and looks like she's about to cry for a moment, before she gets a grip on her emotions and continues on. "Ron and I, we've had a rather large row, and, we just, well, we don't want to ruin anything, and we've decided that maybe we should spend just a couple days apart. And, I wouldn't want to stay with Harry and Ginny, because I don't want them to feel like they'd have to pick sides. So, is it at all possible to stay here?"

"Why, of course it is. Make yourself right at home!"

It's almost like having friends again, she thinks, and then she remembers that she said something similar to Harry Potter, and it leaves her with a bitter taste in her mouth.

/

"I know it's not my place, but, maybe … maybe you should just move on, you know?" Hermione says, rather softly, and Luna stiffens.

"I'm afraid I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about," and Luna hopes to Merlin she's not lying.

/

It's a boy. A beautiful, precious, innocent boy. Not hers, _of course_. She's still somewhat happy, though. Harry Potter is happy, and that is all that should matter to her.

She wonders how long James (it almost stings when she thinks of his name) will stay innocent before the harsh reality of the world hits him.

/

Luna meets Harry Potter and Ginny _Weasley-Potter _at The Leaky Cauldron, to catch up, on life and such. She hasn't seen them since Albus was born.

Ginny's away in the bathroom (she spilt butterbeer on her shirt), when he first asks, "Why do you always call me Harry Potter?"

She tilts her head to the side, and says slowly, as if to a child, "Well, that's your name, is it not?"

"Well, yes, but, why not just Harry? I mean, we're practically best friends," She's almost positive she dies a little at the word 'practically'. "We've fought side by side in a war. I trust you with my life. My children's lives."

She smiles at him – a smile that's almost sad, almost sweet – and her eyes are distant but intense all at the same time. "Oh, Harry."

She Apparates back to her house, with tears in her eyes.

/

She hates Harry Potter and loves him all at the same time.

She thinks she might prefer hating him, if loving him has to lead to all this heartbreak.

/

Lily _Luna_ Potter is marvelous in every way.

She cries in tears of joy for the first time in as long as she can remember when they first tell her what Lily's full name is.

She cries even harder when she finds out it was _his_ idea.

/

Rolf is nice to her, so, so nice to her.

And she wants to love him like he loves her, because she knows the kind of heartbreak unrequited love can bring.

But she doesn't, and lying about it would only make it worse.

She turns down his proposal.

When did she go from ruining her own life to ruining others?

/

She reads it in the papers. The papers, for Merlin's sake! She doesn't even hear about her own father's death before everyone else.

/

Hermione (her sudden best friend) sits her at the funeral, whispering comforting words in her ear.

She doesn't cry. She will not fall apart in front of everyone (which really isn't very many people).

She doesn't fall apart until after, after he's in the ground. She doesn't fall apart until she realizes that she has nothing left.

Hermione has demanded to take her home. She accepts because she really has nothing left to fight for.

She barely makes it past the door before she loses control. She doesn't even make it to a seat, just slides down against the wall.

She's a blithering mess, but she doesn't even care.

She has nothing left to care about.

/

Harry Potter drops by.

Why does nobody bother to offer sending her an owl before coming over?

She's in bed (still a blithering mess.), not even dressed. She opens the door, expecting it to be Hermione.

But, oh, how lucky she is, to get Harry Potter instead.

If he's surprised by her appearance, he doesn't show it. "I'm sorry about your father." She nods. "But, you know, the ones we love never truly leave us." He pulls her into a hug. She starts to cry. Very hard.

"Why are you here?" she asks, and it doesn't sound as dreamy and uncaring as she wanted it to be.

"What happened to you, Luna? You used to be so magical, and dreamy and, and, amazing!" He sounds almost to the point of desperation. She frowns.

"I'm the same as I've always been," she retorts, and it sounds snarkier than she meant it to be.

This is going wonderfully.

"I'm not a bloody fool, you know." He sounds more disappointed than angry. "Say what you need to say. I – I already know. And I knew before Hermione told me, so don't get made at her."

Oh, yay, what fresh hell is this?

"I'm not mad, or anything like that, you know."

He's still in the doorway, she notices. She moves to the side and motions him in.

She goes to the kitchen to make him a cup of tea. "You can't help who you like," he ventures on. She scoffs.

"You think that I like you? Merlin, Harry," she forces herself not to add 'Potter', "I love you, okay! I bloody love you. I love you, and you think it's okay to just show up at my house and comfort me, and snog with Ginny, and have me babysit your children. Don't you think that hurts me! And I know you love Ginny, and nothing could ever happen –" and his lips crash onto hers, and she forgets what she was even talking about.

/

There's an exciting thrill about going behind people's back; almost getting caught. It reminds her of her fourth year.

They leave chaste kisses when no one is looking, and brush each other's legs or hands when it can be misinterpreted as an accident. They make love when he's supposed to be on his lunch break.

She'd almost think it is a wonderful dream if not for the fact that she has trouble looking Ginny in the eye all the time, or, at the very least, feeling extremely guilty when she looks at Harry's children.

/

"This needs to stop. I can't do this anymore, Harry Potter." She notices him flinch when she calls him by his full name. She hasn't called him that in months. "I love you, but this is wrong, and I won't do this anymore."

He leaves without saying anything, and she dismissively wishes he'd fought with her. Over her.

_No,_ she thinks, _he's my prince, but I'm not a princess, I'm not the damsel in distress._

She doesn't need saving.

/

Time passes, people move forward, days keeping coming.

The world didn't end.

And Luna is genuinely happy. (Oh, she never did learn to lie properly. What a shame.)


End file.
